Six money questions to ask your partner before you commit

Before you start sharing a Netflix account and thinking about moving in together, take some time to do something even more important, if decidedly less fun: Have a talk about finances.

Yes, it sounds like a buzzkill, but the truth is, making a habit of discussing your shared goals and attitudes toward money may help strengthen your romance—especially in the long run.

By starting an honest and open conversation about this often touchy issue now, you’re less likely to run into major money-related road bumps later.

Here are six questions to help you come up with a financial game plan, zoom in on potential differences that should be addressed and, with some luck, avoid the kinds of issues that can lead to both financial and relationship headaches.

Sure, it’s an unlikely scenario, but by comparing your answers with your partner, you’ll get a sense of what kind of money personality you each have and how you’ll need to negotiate on shared financial goals. Say your partner wants to invest his or her hypothetical windfall in the stock market while you’d prefer to splurge on a big trip. Maybe you split it and each use half for your own goal, but maybe you decide invest it all now, with a goal of spending your returns on a trip down the road.

There’s no right answer. The point is to get you thinking about how you each think about money individually, and how you might handle it together.

This one may make you both uncomfortable, but when it comes to debts (college and/or credit cards) or family obligations (financial responsibility for a sick parent, for example) honesty is the way to go. Remember, there’s no shame in carrying some debt, as long as you have a realistic and strategic plan to pay it down.

In other words, how did your parents deal with money issues? Were they a source of stress and family fights? Maybe they rarely discussed money issues? Often our upbringing colors our relationship with money, and it makes sense to understand each other’s perspective. A rule of thumb: Agree to touch base before buying something that costs more than a predetermined amount. On the other hand, one of you may be less inclined to spend on a night out or a vacation. Can you find middle ground?

Whether you set up joint checking and savings accounts, maintain separate accounts or go with a combination of the two is up to you. But you should discuss that decision ahead of time and how much of your income you will each contribute to joint expenses, as well as who will be responsible for the back end. It might make sense to split up the administrative tasks. Either way, make sure you’re covering everything and that you’re both comfortable with the division of labor.

We know what you’re thinking: We don’t need that! We’re not getting divorced! And, anyway, neither of us is rich. But prenups aren’t just for celebrities and millionaires, and while no newly committed couple wants to think about divorce, it’s better to plan for a worst-case scenario than not. Particularly if one of you brings large assets to the relationship, a prenup may be a good idea. But even if not, having one might make sense. Divorce is messy enough without potentially painful and drawn-out legal battles over money. Consulting with a lawyer about the potential need for one is a not a bad idea in any case.

Do you or your partner envision a promotion or changing careers in the near future? Do you plan to get married and have children at some point? If so, will one of you stay home to raise the kids while the other works outside the home? If you both work, how will you cover the costs of childcare? While events like these may be a long way down the road, it’s never too early to start planning for them and to make sure you’re both on the same page. Believe it or not, even retirement plans are worth discussing, as these long-term goals affect how you save and spend your money now.

You know what the Beatles said about love being all you need. Still, couples argue about money—that’s a given. The more you talk about it early on the better you’ll be prepared to reconcile those differences later. A little awkwardness now could save you from a lot of heartbreak later on.

The source of this Morgan Stanley article, 6 Money Questions to Ask Your Partner Before You Commit, was originally published on August 24, 2021. The video is inspired by Morgan Stanley’s series The Playbook: Your Guide to Life and Money. Learn more about the Playbook and other resources available to help you navigate various life milestones.